Losses of many kinds cause grief

AMARILLO – Human beings tend to make strong bonds of affection or attachment with people, tasks and objects within their lives, said a Texas AgriLife Extension Service specialist. When these bonds are broken, a strong emotional reaction occurs.

“When we hear the word ‘loss,’ we immediately think of loss of a loved one,” said Andrew Crocker, AgriLife Extension gerontology program specialist. “While the death of one to whom we are very close may evoke powerful emotions, loss may occur with changes such as divorce, relocation, layoffs and retirement, to name a few.

“Understanding loss and our response to it, grief and mourning, may lessen its effect on our lives,” Crocker said.

After a loss occurs, a person must accomplish certain tasks to complete the process of grief. The basic tasks of mourning include:

— Accepting that the loss happened.

— Living with and feeling the physical and emotional pain of grief.

— Adjusting to life without that which was lost.

— Emotionally separating from the loss.

It is important that these tasks are completed before mourning can end, Crocker said.

People cope with loss in different ways, he said. How a person copes may be affected by personality, experience with loss, cultural and religious background, coping skills, mental history, support systems and social and financial status.

“There is no right way of coping,” Crocker said. “Grief is the normal response of sorrow, emotion and confusion that comes from losing someone or something important to you.”

In situations where something is taken away, he said, grief may be experienced as a mental, physical, social or emotional reaction. Mental or emotional reactions may include anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness and despair. Physical reactions can include sleeping problems, changes in appetite, physical problems or illness.

Mourning is the process by which people adapt to a loss, Crocker said. Mourning is also influenced by cultural customs, rituals and society’s rules for coping with loss.

“Again, when we think of a mourner, we think of death,” he said. “However, a mourner is any person adapting to any type of loss which may have occurred.”

Grief includes the processes that a mourner needs to complete before resuming daily life, Crocker said. These processes include separating from who or what was lost and readjusting to a world without that which was lost. The mourner’s roles, identity and skills may need to change.

People who are grieving often feel extremely tired because the process of grieving usually requires physical and emotional energy, he said. The grief they are feeling is not just for that which was lost, but also for the unfulfilled wishes and plans for the future.

Most support people receive after a loss comes from friends and family, but some who experience difficulty in coping with their loss may need grief counseling or grief therapy. The goals of grief counseling include:

— Accepting the loss by talking about it.

— Identifying and expressing related feelings, including anger, guilt, anxiety, helplessness and sadness.

— Separating emotionally from the loss and to begin new relationships.

— Understanding methods of coping, coping problems and recommendations for professional grief therapy.

Grief therapy is used with people who have more serious reactions, Crocker said. The goal of grief therapy is to identify and solve problems the mourner may have in the separation process.

When separation difficulties occur, reactions may appear as physical or behavior problems, delayed or extreme mourning, conflicted or extended grief or unexpected mourning, he said.

“Depression is more than a feeling of grief after losing someone or something you love,” Crocker said. “Clinical depression is a whole body disorder that may take over the way you think and feel.”

Symptoms of depression may include, but are not limited to a sad, anxious, or “empty” mood that won’t go away; loss of interest in what you used to enjoy; low energy or fatigue; changes in sleep patterns and/or appetite; feeling hopeless or gloomy and/or feeling guilty, worthless or helpless.

“If you recently experienced a death or other loss, these feelings may be part of a normal grief reaction,” Crocker said. “But if these feelings persist with no lifting mood, you should seek professional help.”

For more information from the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization, go to their Web site at http://www.caringinfo.org/GrievingALoss .

-30-